People say the dumbest things!

I wish I was R. Lee Ermey for five minutes today.
This morning, I'm minding my own business walking out to get the newspaper when I'm greeted by a neighbor.
He always prides himself on leaving his utility  shed unlocked and telling people to borrow what they want at will.
I call him Ned Flanders.

So he asks me if i took his leaf blower and failed to return it.
"I'm not accusing you or anything.."
There is nothing worse you can call a man who goes to work everyday than a thief.
I replied "Well I wouldn't have any need for a leaf blower..
seeing as how i don't have any trees..with leaves..or anything that needs a leaf blower."
He went on to explain to me for the 20th time that he never locks the ugly shed he built by hand because he did something when he built it  and the door won't shut right.
Mind you he's a carpenter..a crappy one.
In the ten years I've lived next door to him, he has never been able to build a latch or bail to secure his property.
So he uses his claim of neighborliness to cover the fact that he can't fix this mess of a tee pee/lean- to that he managed to slap a roof on without killing himself.
I come home from work many a day and see the wind slamming the door open and closed all the time.
Then in the next breath he asks to borrow my weed trimmer.
I let him. 
Then asked me,
"When I'm done you want me to just leave it laying up against the house...?"
I said.."no...knock on my door and let me know you returned it...SO I CAN LOCK IT BACK UP."
Part of me wants to go out and  buy him a lock and a chain.
Personal responsibility is out the window.
I miss being in the military and being around people that had common sense.
I feel good about my growth and maturity as a person.
There was a time when I would have went full RICHARD PRYOR on a joker for even approaching me with something so stupid.
Here's one of my favorite scenes from FULL METAL JACKET
that says it best.

Fast ferry ride to Cape Lookout

My wife and I recently took a ferry to Cape Lookout from Harkers Island.
The ferry company was great, I highly recommend these folks.
It's called Local Yokel Ferry and Tours.
Check out the video to see the really fast ride, people holding onto
hats..glasses..hairbows  and some other great surprises on the way to the Cape.

Funny mugshots

Apologies in advance if these pictures are your cousins mothers brothers loved ones etc.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words...
but these pictures and the charges still needed my comic touch.
This is in no way saying those charged are guilty..of being anything other than fun to pick on.

First up is this girl..smiling like it's time for a prom pic.
she is charged with Resisting public officer, Malicious conduct by prisoner, Intoxicated and disruptive.
That sounds like it was a fun night.

I also love the facial expressions that could be saying.."I'm so surprised I got caught"

Embezzlement.

Or the classic "whatever man" face.

 Misdemeanor larceny, Common law robbery.

I love this one too..the classic "ya got me dang" sideways grin.

Att obtain prop false pretense, Simple assault, Misdemeanor larceny.

This lady gets the "Let me put my makeup on before this mugshot cause they ain't gonna have me on the web looking crazy girl" award.

Obtain property false pretense

I don't know what to say about this one...I think the charge says it all...

Charge:

Dangerous drugs

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Pet parakeet returned to Japanese owner after telling police his address - New York News | New York Breaking News | NYC Headlines

I think this story is pretty cool.
I'd love to hear a parrot speaking an address in fluent japanese.

Jon in movie scene

This is clean..even the language!

I had a great time working on this project.

I got to channel my favorite Uncle The one and only late great Charlie Robertson and several other family members who were notorious for speaking their minds in close family situations that while were often not their business..concerned them greatly.

My Uncle Charlie would have handled this situation much the same was as Uncle Sonny.

Enjoy the clip, subscribe to the blog..buy the film  and spread it around.

Jon Champion as Uncle Sonny Edwards in the Dr. Love Theater Group and MoeMedia Production of  “Everything’s Copestedic Volume 2”. This scene features Dennard Young as Bobby Edwards, Torrey Lawrence as Rusty Gaines and Jon as Uncle Sonny.  Written and Directed by Brian Davis, Video Production by Maurice Johnson. This film is available for purchase at the secure website http://playmerchandise.com/shop/   Under the DVD heading, click BRIAN DAVIS.

MONEY VS FUNNY!

I first wrote this blog post in February of 2011
It's been  years and not only have I not heard back from Floyd's people, he continues to do really crazy things.
Now he's set to fight Robert Guerreo in May.
It's like MR. T Said in ROCKY III...ducking me...fighting other bums...

He reportedly bet three million dollars on  Michigan to beat Alabama in  2011.
Man, I could have really used that money.
If you're going to throw cash away, throw it away to me, MY STUDENT LOANS AND CHILD SUPPORT.

I was reading a news piece about the New York Knicks basketball sensation Jeremy Lin.
Professional boxer Floyd Mayweather, one of my favorite pugilists and without a doubt one of the best around said the only reason Lin was getting all this recent attention is because he's Asian.
Here's the comment.
It made me pretty angry.
Not because I'm Asian.
But because I hate it when someone who busts their ass to make it gets hated on for their work.
I love sports but I am pretty tired of hearing about athletes who think the world owes them something..or they are entitled to act like ass clowns just because.
I hope Lin's success encourages more competition and less showboating and that he continues to play and prosper.
Now..on to Floyd.
I'd like to fight  Money.
It would make me feel much better to hit him in his mouth for some of the dumb things he says.
Now,Truthfully,  I did enjoy him cussing Larry Merchant's cranky ass.
That was long overdue.
I am quite nonathletic..I am the polar opposite of athletic.
I'm not New Jersey Governor Chris Christie big..(he's my next challenge..we could  have a subway sandwich eating contest) but I am not in the best shape.
I've  got a word of warning for MONEY.
When I was in the Navy I spent some time in the Philippines.
A ghetto or a hood in America has nothing on a poor area in the PI.
Those folks are tough.
I saw many a manly  man get their asses STRAIGHT UP beaten by smaller thinner some would say scrawny guys.
Money May  has heart too.
But I still don't think he can take Pacquiao.
So I'm making you an offer Money.
I have no boxing experience..I got in one fight in middle school..I think I won.
But my family could use the money.
At some point I am going to have to help put three of the most beautiful and intelligent children on Earth through college.

You can help me by letting  me earn a REALLY  big payday.
The kids get all the money..they can't have it till they graduate high school and enroll in an Ivy League University.
You're not doing anything else with that money Money ..let's get ready to rumble.

Family history

I'm not sure what to call this blog post.
I'll start by saying many people don't understand when I tell them that I was raised by a woman who was born the same year Coca Cola was first sold in bottles.
Grandma shares a birth year with Moms Mabley and Martha Graham.
1894.
My grandmother Ida was a tiny woman with a great big laugh.
I remember her for so many things.
I often wonder what she would think of today's politics..especially having a black president.
I can imagine her voice saying over and over "lord keep that boy safe".
I do remember that she DID NOT like The Muppets.
She would ask me.."Why don't they have feet?" When I explained that they were puppets..she would say..without fail.."sounds like some foolishness to me"
This is a picture from the 70's..a road trip to Virgina to visit some much loved cousins.
I am making the crazy face because I am standing next to grandma's spit cup..I was trying to be so cool..way off the mark. Grandma is on the far left.

I am sure she would amazed at the world today, cell phones especially.
I can imagine her asking.."well where is the cord to the phone?"
After my reply she would most certainly reply.."sounds like some foolishness to me".

These pictures are from a recent trip my father and my cousin/sister..cause we're close like that.. took to visit the church my grandparents..their parents and my parents attended.
We also set out to put flowers on their graves.
It was odd to imagine returning to the places where my ancestors walked and farmed the land in a Benz.
People loved my grandparents and the land they once owned is still referred to as The Champion Farm.
My dad is truly a life line to that part of my history.
I asked him about growing up in the 1930's and if people were mean to them in their community.
He recalls farming with other white families and never being disrespected or made to feel threatened.
I recall my grandmother and my dad driving down to the country to visit old friends black and white when I was a young child. I got a first hand look at some beautiful friendships.

My grandfather John died nearly eight months after I was born in 1971. I don't remember him, but I love the stories that my family members have shared with me.
It's a little odd when I look at his head stone and see my name..or most of it.

His parents favorite president was McKinley.
Not sure why they didn't include the full name on his headstone. Saving money I suppose.
During the ride , my dad and my cousin made sure to show me how far they walked to church from home.
We didn't visit the farm this time.
On a visit a few years ago, the people who lived nearby greeted us, told fond stories of my grandparents, and their children. It was truly a trip back in time.

This is the final resting place for my great Aunt Annie.
She was my grandmother Ida's sister and passed away several years before I was born.

The true family historian was our cousin Percy Jones.
He was an awesome man, extremely intelligent and very kind.
I remember as a child his dedication to keeping the church cemetery maintained for Chalk Level CME church.
He was a veteran--click here to see a beautiful video tribute and very devoted to his family and passing down family history.
He and his darling wife Rosie were married for many years and passed away within months of each other.

These are the resting places of more members of the church.

The Prince family was another large family in the church.
My parents and grandparent and aunts and uncles grew up with them and thought very highly of them.
Hustler,Hardy Lois and Grace Prince were really outgoing and interesting people.

I learned so much from my grandmother and will never forget her teaching me to read from the biggest bible ever made.
See spot run had nothing on learning to pronounce Deuteronomy and philistine before pre school.
The coolest thing about the trip is remembering riding down to the church every Sunday in the 70's with my dad and grandma, in a car that only had an AM radio.
American Top 40 with Casey Kasem was always on.
Explains my total love for AM GOLD formatted music.
My cousin Angie and I singing our faces off and often making up lyrics.
My family rocks.